I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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