you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
