He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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