That's when you crack a 10am beer
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
