you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
