So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
