I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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