Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
