My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
