you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
