you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
