and you said cock pushups were impossible
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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