Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's rum buckets o'clock
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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