Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
