I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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