Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Couch. On fire.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
