then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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