This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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