This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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