so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
