I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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