In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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