smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I will be naked everywhere
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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