I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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