Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
