this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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