Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
