im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
