I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
