I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
