some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
