Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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