hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
