I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
