We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
