college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Someone shattered a urinal.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
