I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
