u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
