Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
