tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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