i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
