Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
