im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
