He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
