Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
