We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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