This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
