Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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