2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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