I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
