just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
