All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
