Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
