Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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