I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
