ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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