speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
