Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
